They say there’s nothing like doing something you hate to find out what you love. They would be right…
I arrive for my lecture fashionably late, coffee in hand. Trying to be as discrete as possible (and not make a scene) I find a seat on the back row. “Today is the day”, I tell myself. Today I’m going to focus and make the most of this crazy opportunity to study at one of the best universities in the world. I set a timer and decide I’ll keep concentrating for 10 minutes at a time. It’s much easier in small doses.
As I sit and try to get to grips with the jumble that’s being read off from the presentation, I can’t help but day dream about where I’d rather be. I dream about everything I could be doing and think about everything I have done. And it’s now that I get angry about my current situation. Angry at what feels like the biggest waste of time. I’m not listening to what she’s ranting on about way down on the stage floor. I’m not getting anything at all out of this. Why? Because I’m not putting anything into it. I want to be vaguely interested in this course and I can try but I can’t lie.
“What a waste of time!” I imagine all the things I could be doing right now. “Right, that’s it. When I get out of here I’m taking my camera and I’m going to go… There’s no way I am going to let this day go to waste!”
And it’s around now I realise that doing things you hate, forcing yourself to do those things that you really don’t want to do, day in and day out, helps you realise what you love. I use this potential frustration and negativity to drive me to do more, to take more risks, book more flights, have more adventures. Sitting, doing what I hate, makes me ten times more motivated to earn money for my next adventure.
But what I just can’t comprehend is: Where do I go from here? I know the value of higher education and I am aware of the doors that a degree will open and the doors that remain closed without one. Perhaps I can use a few of those hours for extra motivation but I could definitely use those 20 hours a week far more effectively. Doing things to get by, to scrape through and ‘get it done’ is not my vibe at all and I’m not sure I can bare that for much longer.
I guess what I’m trying to say is… it’s not all hiking and waterfalls and I don’t expect it to be; Yet right now, I’m not sure whether half of what I am doing has any real value.
Still, I’m typing this up over an incredible coffee: Life is good! I only question what I am doing because I refuse to believe we should allow ourselves to live some mediocre life. I refuse to believe it’s okay to ‘just get by’. I refuse to accept we cannot wake up every day and enjoy, look forward to and relish in the day ahead. I refuse to believe adventures are to be watched and not experienced. Sure there will be bad days but we have just one life and I want to live for now. Questioning where you are and what you are doing can only be positive so long as we appreciate and accept what is and make the most of what we’ve got.
There’s one thing we must remember and that’s that we all have a choice. Sure, we can make a terrible decision but that decision is ours to make and ours alone. No one can make that decision for you. If you’re waking up and dreading the day ahead, know that it’s your choice. When you realise that, more often than not you realise what your doing isn’t actually so bad at all.
What’s the plan from here? Your guess is as good as mine. Did I foresee this would happen? Absolutely. Any regrets? Not one.
Photos by Matt Miszczak (@sliceofmatt)